What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 17:04
So whats the point in blame.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What did i know ?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Comes on , in middle age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
In the TV show Supernatural, why is God portrayed as cruel?
She married twice! .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
Where can Ukrainians go if they cannot have shelter and heating this winter?
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Who then, do I blame.?
Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He knew the spot.
I will be 64.
How often should you use red light therapy?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We all went to grammer schools
But, we were locked up after school.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was very sick at this time too.
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was seconnd youngest,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So, i spoilt her more .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She found it foreign!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I said to her
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My life is so biszare .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I write beautiful poetry .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was 9 years of age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Put me off passion for life!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
All the time i was locked up.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
I have no regrets .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I don,t even have a pension.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
It was going to be , some day.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My family never makes their pension either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im still living with it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Would this be the day?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years